THE MUSINGS OF THE DREAMER

 
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In a state
Wednesday, August 22, 2007
I'm in a state.
It's a scary one. Unexplainable.
Neither here nor there. But definitely somewhere.
Somewhere between lost and confused.
Between highs and lows.
Between yes or no.
Between success and failure.
I must get out of it.
I've done well so far to have control of my self. I will not give up.

So i thought maybe if i don't think about it, this thing will pass. But more and more, it's creeping up in my head..pointing out that i'm really am different. As much as i pass myself off as normal...i really am not. I'm so different and this facade must stop. If only things were different from the beginning eh? If only they had done the right things and not left me to the vultures. Then maybe, just maybe i would have turned out different?
Blame. Portioning blame is not my thing. And to do that to them is even betrayal. So i will just make do with what i've been handed.
Purpose. What's mine? What's yours? How do we know we've found it?

I'm in a state.
It's a giddy one. Unexplainable.
It's neither here nor there. But it's definitely somewhere.
Somewhere between love and hate.
Between highs and lows.
Between fear and courage.
Between experience and naivety.
I don't know if i want to get out of it though.
I've done fairly well in handling such issues. I will however try a different method.
posted by Perfectly Human @ 10:46 AM   3 comments
Of nothingness
Monday, August 20, 2007
Fluttery hearts, random thoughts, incessant smiles. I don't quite understand but it feels like i've been here before. But not in the same way. It feels better, purer, slow-paced, teasing. I'm not sure i'm ready for it though. What if? What if? Then what? But i seriously don't care. Take the jump..it's worth it.
30mins, 1hr, 1hr47mins, 3hrs!!! Everything and nothing. Promises that are fufilled. Kai! Wetin i go do??? I will take my time, it's not to be rushed. No rushing...just enjoy!

I saw Diary of a Mad Black Woman for the 30th time yesterday and it is indeed in the top 5 of my all time favorite movies! I have the soundtrack to it also and i think i overdosed on it already!

I have forgotten about him. I can now go a full week without so much as a single thought or random message there. I'm getting there. Slowly but surely he'll become just faint memory in my head. Ain't it funny...how life goes around.
I spent most of my weekend rolling dough, baking, cooking and other things. On sunday morning i woke up and my arms and feet were sore. BUT i got paid for it so i guess that's some compensation!

A very young couple in their early teens were fighting in my apartment complex yesterday. He threw out her things and they engaged in a shouting match out in the open. I quickly wondered about their parents. How come these kids were renting an apartment and living together in the first place and why air out your very dirty laundry in the public like that? Their age is one explanation but even grown adults do the same thing. After about 40mins, some adults did show up, i figured the girl's mom with her boyfriend, but she did nothing to help matters, rather she aggravated it by shouting and cursing trying to push away the boy who was blocking the door to the house. I stopped watchng them at this point 1. because i was deeply embarassed by the whole situation 2. because my rice was about to start burning!!!
By the time i went back to the window the cop had arrived and apparently led the girl away. I wonder what happened there.

So i guess i found my fashion obsession; shoes. I love shoes. I dream about them. I have them in most colors and i'm still building my collection. Found a pair of heavenly burgundy pumps last week but i didn't purchase because....i don't know why! But i've been dreaming of them and will go back to buy it so they can stop haunting me in my dreams. I'm looking for purple suede shoes now!

I'm craving some Tres Leches cake right now!!!
posted by Perfectly Human @ 10:56 AM   1 comments
About Me

Name: Perfectly Human
Home: Everything Is Bigger in....., United States
About Me: I can't say much for my self right now...hoping this arena will give insight into who i am!
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